When I was five my brother, sister, and I were riding home on the school bus together. Unbeknownst to me, an older kid was acting like he was going to hurt or pick on my big brother. I stood up in my bus seat to look over to the seat behind me where my brother and the “bully” sat. The apparent bully was a friend of Tom’s, they were getting a laugh out of me as I was sticking up for Tom, letting the “bully” know he would have to deal with ME if he hurt my brother! The age difference was humorous. A five-year-old, fists clenched, red-faced, holding back tears of anger, yelling at a pretend bully six years older. I made it very clear that he was going to GET IT if he didn’t STOP! To this day I can say I had no idea the joke was on me. It is a humorous and sweet story that comes up sometimes in family conversation, much to my chagrin!
Mom told me a similar story from when I was around the same age. An older kid at school had teased me for wearing my boots backwards. Being dyslexic, I did a lot of things apparently backwards, like putting my rain boots on the wrong feet! I had a strong sense of independence when I was five. I dressed myself, braided my own hair and put on my own rainboots. Mom missed the fact they were on the wrong feet and off I went! What made matters worse were the boots had “Right” and “Left” labels on each toe! Uhg. That’s what’s called being an easy target.
Home from school I walked through our front door, face beat-red, fists clenched, tears welled up in my eyes, and announced to my mom: “I’m not going to cry!” I was angry and embarrassed to tell her what happened, but eventually I did.
She shared this story with me several times as I grew older, I think because it moved her in many ways. She wanted to protect me and felt a deep sense of empathy for me which I felt that day as she comforted me. She probably felt badly that she hadn’t caught the mistake before I headed off to school. But mom was wise. I believe she also saw an intelligence in my simple statement, “I’m not going to cry!” What this really meant was I wasn’t going to let that mean kid get the best of me. My five-year-old vocabulary had done its best to express my sentiments. My exclamation was a profound realization that I didn’t feel sorry for myself or believe I was stupid, because in my experience, I wasn’t! I was announcing my truth!
My parents are gone now. Looking back at our shared experience I believe I taught them just as much as they taught me. The child parent relationship is more like a circle of understanding, than it is a linear line, and I’m still learning from them. Also, children are wise. In their innocence they see clearly, without a filter. I think mom enjoyed telling me this story because it reminded her of her own truth, which perhaps she had forgotten. I think she saw a reflection of herself as she witnessed her youngest child boldly announce: “I’m not going to cry!”
Katie