As Christmas approaches, I think of my mom who really shined this time of year. The holidays were her gig! Each year she turned our home into a magical place of wonderment, filling our senses with beauty and magic of the season! What I remember most about my mom is although she didn’t have an easy life, she always managed to see the beauty around her. As a child her father died when she was nine, leaving an empty space in her heart. My grandma and her struggled living on a teacher’s salary and mom mentioned there were times they relied on extended family for financial support. When she was pregnant with me, she was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Although she was a care giver, managing a family of five and working part time as a nurse, it seemed to me even as a child that she forgot that she too needed care. It wasn’t until I was older that I realized how sick my mom really was, and through it all how much she did for us each day. She put her family first, many times sacrificing her own care and wellbeing.
Mom died December 29th, 2010. In May of the following year, we had a celebration of life gathering with family and friends. During her celebration this is what I shared with my loved ones:
I wasn’t going to speak today, because what words could I find that would be adequate to describe my feelings? The closest I can come is saying, love is eternal. These are the last words that I spoke to my mom, and I know that she heard me.
My mom was a beautiful gift, a unique mystery of life! A wonderful, complex human being, that I am honored to have shared an intimate part of my life with. My mom taught me many things. She gave me an immense appreciation for nature – for the trees, and the bugs, and the animals, for all the pets we had growing up, for thunderstorms, and Daddy-long-leg spiders that I held in my little hand as a child, with no fear, only wonderment. She taught me to believe in the unseen side of life, to trust my feelings, my intuition, my dreams. Mom taught me about passion and feelings! My god the woman felt everything to its depth! Mom taught me to laugh at myself, and to not take life too seriously, not to miss the moment, to see the beauty that always surrounds me.
Christmas time was her specialty! We’d often have a full house with all the grandparents present! Mom cooked amazing food; us kids would bake literally fourteen different varieties of Christmas cookies. Christmas music playing, candles lit, Christmas tree lights twinkling, and eggnog flowing freely, a good time was always had by all! Mom taught us how to give, not only during the holidays, she showed us every day with the little things she did for us. She used to leave us “love notes” to find when we came home from school. Walking into the house, I’d go straight to the dining room table to look for my note, the next stop was the stove and oven to see what was cooking, making the house smell so delicious! Mom made our house a home.
I saw my mom grow during her life, watched her change, become a better person, just the same as she watched me grow and change, strive for something more. We made each other better people. That was the purpose of our relationship. And from this purpose, a great love was shared. This love is all that matters. This love never dies. This love is eternal.
Merry Christmas Mom.